“Dude, you’re thinking about the water crisis every day,” said our youngish and annoying therapist, as he sipped from his goddamn bottle of Evian, destroying what little credibility he had. “Dude, that’s asking for burnout!”
Our thoughts meandered as we impatiently listened to the smarmy whelp. Do you know how stupid it is to be drinking bottled water, you idiot? Do you know that it’s no more, and maybe less, healthy than tap water? Do you know that it’s often just tap water in a pretty package, anyway? Do you know it costs like, 10,000 times more than tap water? Do you know that this is readily available information that you read or hear in reputable news outlets every goddamn day? Do you ever read? Do you know what those bottles are doing to the planet? And we’re looking to you for advice? And stop saying dude. What’s the use? There’s nothing we can do about it. It all sucks. aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!